The dancing cat

Driving home from dinner a few nights ago, I caught some quick motion out of the corner of my eye, alongside the road.  I looked to my left and saw a black cat jumping in the most bizarre and awful way – totally frenzied and sporadic. It looked like when you record someone walking backwards and then play it from front to back so it looks like they are walking forwards. Sky looked too and we realized the cat must have been hit by a car or something, since his limbs didn’t look quite right. Some joggers were going by the cat, and stopped to see what was the matter. We drove by silently – part of me wanted to stop, but another part knew I wouldn’t really be able to cope with a freaky dying cat jumping around out of control. We drove a few blocks up and then I pulled over and I almost threw up but instead I just opened my door and put my head between my knees.

I’ve been having dancing cat nightmares the last few nights. I can’t escape that image. I thought writing about it might help.

I visited my dad over the weekend. He can’t get around without a walker, and even that is difficult. They are going to get him a wheelchair which will be safer for him – less likelihood that he will fall that way. My dad has said many positive things that make me worry less, but now that I’m away from him I’m feeling pretty awful.

Work has been very draining – understaffing is leading to too many hours at the desk, which makes me feel as if the life has been sucked out of me. I’m holding on, both in the work and personal arenas, but I’m right at that point where I’m teetering. Tonight I’m hopefully going to see Miranda July read from her new book, and then I think I’ll go home, have a cocktail, and sleep until I can’t sleep anymore. Luckily I’ve got a three day weekend; I think some time spent alone and doing simple tasks will be good for me.