44th and 8

This totally counts for November 4th since I wrote 98% of it before crashing last night…

In my political experience, there are two distinct periods: the time when it was enough to vote in the Presidential race and the time after. The line between the two was drawn in 1999, when Tom Ammiano ran against incumbent Willie Brown for the mayor seat of San Francisco. Ammiano was a write in candidate, but he managed to force a run-off second election, which he lost. Ammiano wasn’t perfect, but he was someone I could believe in, especially in comparison to bad, bad Willie Brown. I volunteered, I cheered, I hoped.

I have always voted with my heart. Oftentimes, my heart has been broken. I was a Nader voter in 2000, and I’d do it again, a million times over. I don’t believe in compromising when it comes to my values – that’s the very essence of voting. I volunteered for the campaign and I watched him speak in a crowded auditorium. I was moved by his words and felt hope – hope for just %5 of the vote in order to get Federal funding for a third party – but it didn’t happen. Moreover, after the election, people who felt the same as myself were teased, ridiculed, and even harassed because of their vote.

The last heartbreak, however, came in 2003. When Matt Gonzalez lost his own run-off against Gavin Newsom I felt like I just couldn’t go back to caring. Not only had Newsom won, but his crummy, no good, Prop N won as well. Prop N, or “Care Not Cash”, was a bullshit piece of law that was, at its core, a cruel attempt to force the poor and homeless out of the city. Voting had done me in one too many times. Sure, I would continue to vote for the big races, but my heart wouldn’t really be in it.

Sunday, November 02, 2003
Dear Democracy,
I’ll be honest. I’ve never had a lot of faith in you.
To me you were just another list item under “What Makes America Good and Not Bad” – the list I was forced to learn by heart in grades 1-7. I think the guys that thought you up and the guys that later tried to put you into their constitution were pretty cool. At least they were trying to think of new ways of doing things. Since then you’ve been kind of swept to the wayside and other, different ideas have been walking around wearing your clothes. That’s sad.

Democracy, I wish you’d give those ideas a wedgie and steal back your stuff. I think I’d believe in you if Matt Gonzalez won the vote and became our Mayor. A lot of bad people have won these sorts of elections in the last few years, and it would be really neat if someone who was good won, if someone who actually cared and knew about stuff won.

That’s really all I want for Thanksgiving, Christmas and maybe even my Birthday.
Love,
Jen

The quotation to the right is from a previous blog I kept. I was trying to be cute, but inside I was a ball of nerves. I didn’t get my wish for Thanksgiving, Christmas or my Birthday.

Now I feel another line is surfacing, marking a new era. Something I didn’t dare to really hope for happened. That’s amazing. I cried many times last night, but it wasn’t because of what I expected — it’s because of what I didn’t expect: 20 somethings in the streets screaming their brains out because they were so happy, cars honking well into the night, spontaneous dance parties at corners, and my own friends so blown away by it all that we clapped and yelled everytime anyone on the television screen paused for even a moment.

What makes this event even more poignant is the context in which it is taking place. America is not the same as my block here on Capitol Hill, or as my parents’ home in Oregon. As happy as I am about the presidential, gubernatorial, and congressional elections, my voter heart is still breaking. It’s breaking because Arizona, Arkansas, Florida and my California all passed anti-gay legislature yesterday. The worst is California, because it’s voiding and making null thousands of marriages that have already taken place. Arkansas is pretty shitty as well, making adoption by gay couples illegal. It’s so hard to swallow these judgments, made by the people, when they aren’t for the people, and when so many other amazing things happened on the same night.

At least I can wrap myself in a cozy blanket made of failed pro-life measures, take deep comfort in legalized death with dignity, and look forward to January 19th, 2009.