Fun, Functional, and FABulous!

Recently I found myself wandering in a deserted resort/country club mall located just outside Half Moon Bay. Only 4 out of the 12 or so shopfronts were operational. One was called “Sassy Skirts” and since I had some time to kill, I sauntered in.

I was expecting some skirts (especially with the sign outside that announced a Half off Polka Dots! Sale). Instead I had fallen into one of those awful stores where everything looks cheap, is covered in glitter or fake fur, and smells like awful candles.

I asked the proprietress to point me in the direction of the skirts, and she did a great exaggerated eye roll. “You were looking for skirts, AM I RIGHT?” she asked. I nodded. She got down from her ladder and put her hands on her hips and delivered a speech that I’m sure has been practiced numerous times in front of a mirror in the bathroom:

“You may be too young to know this missy, but “skirts” is a term people used to use for WOMEN. So this is a store that turns that UPSIDE DOWN! We only sell things made by girls FOR GIRLS. Everything in this store is F-U-N, Functional, and FAB-U-LOUS!”

I knew she wanted a smile, in fact she probably needed one, but the fumes from a nearby poodle shaped perfume bottle-slash-princess wand were making my nose twitch angrily. I knew what “skirts” meant and I didn’t like being called a girl, not like that. My inner feminist was whipping about in all directions, and I feel bad about it now, but I just nodded and walked quickly from the store. I should have maybe given her some Amen Sister type validation, but really all I wanted was a sale rack of polka dotted skirts. Plus she was way freaky with her speech patterns, which I’ve tried faithfully to emulate.