The myriad of challenges in managing another professional who has hopes and wants and frustrations is mindbending. As is navigating an entirely different system in an entirely different role. My mind is so bent it’s coming out the other side of the couch.

We have a leather couch now. I’m a devoted vegetarian, and we have a couch entirely made of leather. Animal skin. A big couch. I’m still trying to wrap my bent head around that one. It was the most logical choice and fit the room the best. I can’t justify it, and I do find it disconcerting. That said, I’ve bought how many pairs of leather shoes without a second thought? Exactly.

Another mind-screwer? I’m going on a effing TRAIN RIDE THROUGH THE ALPS in a few months. It’s so Van Trapp I can’t even process it. What started out as a trip to Rome (a very delayed Christmas present from a very dear and deceased Kathy) has turned into a trip to Rome and then a train ride up to Zurich. Plus a 24 hour layover in New York just in time for Barry’s birthday at the beginning of the trip. I keep pinching myself. I’ve dreamed often of doing this, but never ever thought it would be something I could actually do. Right now I’m feeling that feeling I felt during the first half of our wedding weekend: any second now someone is going to realize we aren’t real adults and make us stop.

Also the sunshine keeps popping up every day. If it’s gone one day, it’s there the next morning. My brain uses about 5% of its capacity marveling about this, 24 hours a day.

In other life events, the cats went outside for the first time a few days ago. It was a study in personalities: Gus hightailed it through a hole in the fence into the neighbor’s yard in .05 seconds, while Lola spent an hour smelling and exploring a 4 foot radius outside the door while taking frequent breaks to go inside. And people say babies are more interesting than cats! Pshaw!

This experiment (me moving a month and a half before Sky & the cats) was good for me and for us. I tend to think of myself as tougher, stronger, and braver than I am, sometimes. Or at least, I expect a lot from myself often. It was a good reality check to feel lonely and to wish Sky could be here pretty much every second. It was good to feel his absence and to know that I’d be 100% more ME with him here. At the same time, I did it, and so did he, and that’s pretty rad.

I didn’t make it smoothly, though. I managed to get a nasty ulcer which was humbling. Usually in touch with my body, it took me eating something I didn’t even like (gross stale cookies in the break room) for me to realize that my stomach had been hurting for weeks and that food was the only thing that made it feel better. Woopsie. I guess sometimes your body needs to bring out the huge hammer and hit you over the head to remind you to take care of yourself. Even then, I put off going to a doctor and figured I’d take care of it when I had more time. You can probably guess this was a bad idea: one afternoon I had to go to the Emergency Room by myself which was pretty scary. There were tests and IVs and I felt all drugged out and disoriented and really, really sick.

And then, out of the mist, came Jaime who drove over the second she got my voicemail. She sat with me and asked the doctor questions and drove me home and spent the night. I remembered why moving here was something we were so keen on: our closest, oldest friends live here. The ones we can call. The ones that will hold our hands and talk to us while they take the IV out. I’m not saying I didn’t have some great friends in Seattle – I did and do. It’s more that Jaime is someone I have known for so long and been through so much with, that I would never hesitate to call her for help, ever. She’s seen me at my absolute worst and my ultimate best. And I know the same goes for her.

So now I’m here with one day left: Sky and the cats are winding their way down I-5 to join me. I’ve got three days off of work in a row, which is magnificent. I’m still getting the hang of being a boss (something I’ll write more about later, I’m sure). But I’m working with kids again, and meeting parents, and talking to school teachers and doing the things I love. I forgot how rewarding my profession can be – it’s good to be reminded.

Today I’m sharing with you some photos from our honeymoon: the result of Sky trying to teach me how to pose for the camera. Sky should know because he’s been a male model.* He told me to look “dead inside” and then demonstrated for me.

I tried it.

Sky commentary: You look pissed.

Sky commentary: This looks very 'Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret'

And then he said “More artistic, less autistic.” Which. Well.

And we’re done.

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* He was “dude who works so hard he falls asleep at his desk” in a SOMA spread in the late 1990s. He had Vaseline all over his face so he was a very sensual looking sleepy dude who works so hard he falls asleep at his desk. Needless to say, this comes up a lot.

Geez, that’s ubneilevable. Kudos and such.

You put the lime in the cooncut and drink the article up.

Deadly accutrae answer. You’ve hit the bullseye!

The paragon of undersatnidng these issues is right here!

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Funny, it wasn’t until I pasted these in here that I noticed each of them has a misspelling. At first I just noticed the “accutrea answer” one, which was funny enough on its own.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Got married, that’s what.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Probably I did not. I don’t remember them, but it was a busy year and a lot fell through the cracks.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
THANK GOODNESS NO

5. What countries did you visit?
N/A

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Sunshine!

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 2nd, for the obvious getting-married reasons

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Interviewing for and landing a job during my honeymoon and then moving down here to start it, in a short span of time

9. What was your biggest failure?
The Thank You cards, as I knew they would be

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I spent last evening in the Emergency Room which sucked, but was told it’s (just) an ulcer

11. What was the best thing you bought?
All of the Kahina Giving Beauty products – they are A+

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Awesome friends who supported us and helped us celebrate our wedding and our lives

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?
Un-named girl who got too drunk at wedding and said rude things to a good friend

14. Where did most of your money go?
Wedding, Moving

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Wedding! Moving! I’m a broken record!

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
“Whistling in the Dark” by They Might Be Giants because we sang it and danced to it at the wedding

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier!
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter!
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Relaxing in-between jobs

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing out

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I flew up to Seattle for a super short visit where I saw family, pet the cats, and kissed Sky

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
So much

23. How many one-night stands?
0 (As a married lady I ought to retire this question, right?)

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Louis CK is hysterical

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I am retiring this question as well because it’s just weird and sets a bad tone, you know?

26. What was the best book you read?
John Waters’ Role Models

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Nothing is new anymore, I’m dull and dull

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I hate this part, because I see so many great movies! Off the top of my head:
Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives, Melancholia, The Muppets

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 35! We had a nice little lunch party at our house with Katie, Indigo, John, the kids, and Lesley & Rob

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can’t think of a thing, honestly

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Big hair, bright tights

34. What kept you sane?
Rad friends, cats

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Melissa McCarthy, because of this

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Occupy Movement

37. Who did you miss?
Kathy, family

38. Who was the best new person you met?
The gaggle of cool people having a garage sale in Tucson who had us -this close- to leaving our jobs and everything to up and move there within 5 minutes of being there

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
“Leave ‘em wanting more” — something we starting saying on our honeymoon after a few times when we felt sad to leave a place or thought we hadn’t seen all there was to offer — remembering that there’s always more to do, see, and feel, and to save something for the next visit

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin’ on by you know how I feel

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good

Finding a place to live has turned out to be harder than I thought. At one point we were the top pick of someone renting out a loooovely little house with a backyard and a garage with a shop that we adored. But then some other couple offered the renter $300 above the rental price and that was that.

I can’t write about the job yet because it’s all so new and there’s so much to learn. I know once things solidify I’ll be much more excited about it – right now I just feel like a big empty head that gets filled everyday and I come home and have to stare blankly at walls for a long time before I feel like myself again.

I was driving across the Richmond Bridge this morning and had A Moment. I’d been singing along to nursery rhymes on the CD player for days, trying to memorize them for storytimes. But halfway across the bridge something snapped and I just had to listen to something else. RIGHT THEN. Luckily there was a Sleater-Kinney CD hiding in the 6 CD shuffle machine. This song came on and it so exactly expressed how I was feeling at that very moment that it bordered on eerie. I’m not usually one to post song lyrics to a blog, but in this case, I just gotta.

I spend the afternoon in cars
I sit in traffic jams for hours
Don’t push me
I am not ok

The sky is blue most every day
The lemons grow like tumors
They are tiny suns
Infused with sour

Lonely as a cloud
In the Golden State
“The coldest winter that I ever saw
Was the summer that I spent…”

Sleater-Kinney’s “Jumpers”

This all sounds so awful, right?
It’s not awful, though. I have friends here, and they’ve been around. It’s not a kind of lonely that gets fixed by having people around though, you know? It’s going to be good – I’m just in that weird in-between space where everything’s all shifty moving and settling into its place. Soon Sky’s going to be here and THE CATS are going to be here and we’re going to have a sweet little (it is the Bay Area after all) apartment with a lemon tree in the backyard. I’ll hear this song again and remember how I felt now and be happy for where I am then.

All of this is weird for me to admit, being that I consider myself super independent and have lived on my own in places far flung, where I knew no one. Needing someone around to make your life, YOURSELF feel complete is a scary feeling. It’s also a wonderful one. It makes me feel married. It makes me feel connected. It makes me so thankful that we found each other and that we can do things like buy last minute tickets and show up to support the other.

So Sky spent the weekend here. We did some serious hugging and walking and joking and apartment looking and brunching and friend visiting and we talked talked talked and as we talked it all became real again: we’re moving, it’s great, it’s what we want. It’s going to be OK. Better than that.

So tomorrow I start my new job. I’m freaked out but much less than I would be if I’d spent the weekend alone. I got some good pep talks and feel whole again.

I’m pretty sure we can make it another few weeks until Christmas. We just needed a little topping off. I noticed that each time I called Sky my husband this weekend, it felt like the right word. Up until now I’ve always felt giggly, like we were pretending and someone was going to figure out that we did it just for fun or something. This weekend it felt real and I felt married and it was as good as it sounds.

That photo up at the top is one that a lot of people took different versions of: Sky and I out on a boat rowing around before the ceremony started. We wanted to walk into the wedding together, and the idea of standing hidden behind some tree waiting for music to play sounded like torture. So we rowed out before people congregated and sat out there watching and listening to them all come down from their houses. We talked about all of the things we were feeling at the moment: excitement and nervousness and gushy gush feelings. I think it’s one of the things that will stay with me for the longest time.

Jen: This is probably the only song about killing people by making them dance really hard
Jaime: Eh. What about “Hang the DJ?”
Jen: Oh, good point. But that’s the DJ dying.
Jaime: Yeah. But it’s still death and dancing.

We thought up some more songs that fit the theme. Are we missing any?

“Murder on the dance floor” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor

“Panic” by The Smiths (Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ!)

“Heads Will Roll” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

“Disco Inferno” by The Trammps

“Death of Disco Dancer” by The Smiths

The jury’s still out on “Killing Me Softly” – it’s killing someone with music, but there’s no dancing involved…

Roger Corman (1926- )

Roger Corman is the B-movie king! He’s produced over 396 movies, y’all. We picked up his movie “Gas-s-s” because we visited Acoma Sky City on our honeymoon and our tour guide mentioned that there had been a movie filmed up there in the 70s in which “a marching band came out of a hole in the ground.” Who could resist that?

Gas-s-s OR It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It (1970)

This film was amazing, because it had so many random famous people that our heads were spinning. Shirley was in it! So was Connie! The setup is that a gas kills anyone over the age of 25, so all these hippie kids (and jocks driving dune buggies) are roaming the United States in various states of consciousness. It was your standard post-apocalyptic sort of story, except that it made no sense. Great clothes, though!

The Trip (1967)

This was on the same DVD as “Gas-s-s” so we watched it, too. Basically the movie boils down to Peter Fonda taking acid and freaking out. With some shirtless Dennis Hopper thrown in for good measure. I will take two, please (not acids, Dennis Hoppers). Maybe even three.

I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be Hitchcock's head

William Castle (1914–1977)

Our second gentleman is none other than William Castle, the Mr Bad Horror Himself. The dude was a visionary – almost all of his films involved some sort of shtick, be it special glasses, seats that buzzed your bum at the scary parts, or a way to vote on who dies at the end. He was campy as hell and had a great sense of humor. He did little introductions to many of his movies (a la Hitchcock) and obviously got great pleasure from his work.

We saw two of his films in a SIFF Halloween Double Feature. What I wouldn’t give to see even more of his stuff in a theater! Film Forum ran a festival awhile back and has a great page all about the films: The Return of WILLIAM CASTLE. They even showed some of his films in 3-D!

Illusion-O glasses

13 Ghosts (1960)

A ghost for each member of your family! Pick your favorite spook!

Starring Margaret Hamilton as Elaine Zacharias, the medium! With Illusion-O!

Yes, that’s right, The Wicked Witch of the West played a spooky maid who winked at the camera a lot and walked around with her broom in a none-too-subtle homage to Oz. We didn’t have the fancy Illusion-O glasses, but we still got the notices to PUT ON GLASSES. The cheese-a-riffic ghosts were in pale blue.

Watch the Introduction:

The Tingler (1959)

LSD? Spinal cord creatures? A deaf mute, a scandalous wife, and Vincent Price? YES PLEASE. This was originally shown in theaters equipped with buzzers in the seats that would shock you during peak FRIGHT MOMENTS. SIFF handed out little toy buzzers instead, and we all had fun buzzing at random and not so random moments.

The Tingler lives off of fear and unexpressed, your fear can KILL YOU so you’re supposed to scream a lot. We obliged.

Favorite quotation:

Ladies and gentlemen, just a word of warning. If any of you are not convinced that you have a tingler of your own, the next time you’re frightened in the dark… don’t scream.

An Ode to Good Friends

We drove down to California the week before our wedding. We holed up in the cabin and relaxed our faces off for the first few days. Hammock reading, lazy breakfasts, wine at 2pm kind of relaxing. Then we remembered we had a wedding to plan and it got a little hectic. Then it got a lot hectic. We despaired and worried that we had been too lax in planning and that our wedding was going to be a mess of stress and confusion.

And then, out of the mists like some magical unicorns, came Karin and Barry, dressed in vintage seersucker and ready to help.

Karin and Barry are priceless, really. Karin’s an artist whose work makes me weak in the knees and a kitch soulsister. Barry is a gentleman who will dance with your grandmother and hand you a gin and tonic within 5 minutes of saying “I do.” They are the people you want to be when you grow up, even if they aren’t that much older than you.

Barry

They fixed us up good. They stirred up margaritas and cooked for us and generally just chilled us the hell out in the days leading up to the wedding. Also they did about 3938292 different errands for us and initiated the construction of pounds of paper flowers for our decorations. But that’s another story (that may or may not make it to the blog).

See how happy Sky is?

I’m stoked to be married to Sky for lots of reasons, not the least of which is being TECHNICALLY THE COUSIN of Karin now. And Barry is part of the package, so I’m lucky gal. Now if only I could get them to move just a few block away from us, I’d be well chuffed.

Also, they managed PURELY BY CHANCE to stumble upon a coveted sign that I’d seen some hippie kids holding up a few days previous neatly propped up against and a tree and brought it home to me! Yipee!

The magical sign