ACT THREE. M*A*S*H NOTES.
Ira reports on a week he spent on the set of the TV show M*A*S*H in 1979, supposedly to do a story about the program for National Public Radio. He was 20 years old. He didn’t know what he was doing. This week, he listened to the tapes for the first time in over two decades, and found much to cringe at.

I’ve had a lot, A LOT of cringe moments in life. But today, for some odd reason, I thought of this one…

In the fall of 1989, I was feeling absolutely lost in the sea of preteenagerdom. We’d just moved to mother effing ALASKA (from Arizona), I didn’t have any friends, and I was growing boobs really fast. I was feeling like I was supposed to hate my parents because that’s what teens on TV did. But at the same time, I was really lonely and I missed the easy relationship we used to have. Right around this time both of my parents were incredibly busy – working in a really stressful hospital where things were going downhill. I didn’t know that at the time, but I perceived that they were too busy for me. Even my little sister seemed OK without me – she had new friends and wasn’t tagging along with me everywhere I went. In short, I was feeling like a weirdo dorkbot who didn’t fit in, not even at home.

Enter —— Milli Vanilli.

My mom and I didn’t spend much one-on-one time together, but once in awhile, if I was watching something easy like mTV, my mom would plop down next to me on the couch and hang out for a bit. One afternoon we were sitting side by side when “Girl You Know It’s True” came on. I’d seen it a few times and thought that the song and two dudes with the long hair were way lame. But my mom watched the whole video then said something like “Oh, they are cute.” Or maybe it was “Oh, he has nice eyes.” Or probably more like “Huh. That was interesting.”

A few weeks later I was walking around the one group of stores on that tiny Alaskan island, and happened upon a poster of Milli Vanilli. Suddenly it was like Angels and God had floated down from heaven and alighted on my shoulders. OH MY GOD IT WAS MY MOM’S BIRTHDAY NEXT MONDAY. I SHOULD GET HER THIS GOLDANGED POSTER BECAUSE SHE LOVES THOSE GUYS.

Yes, I bought the poster. A poster of Fab and Rob, posing all sexy with some intense looks in their eyes. And a lot of hair. It probably looked something like this:

I wrapped it up and proudly presented it to her on her birthday, after the cake. I was feeling super chuffed and knew I had totally topped whatever my dad had bought her and the sad macaroni earrings my sister had crafted. I had bought her something MODERN and relevant and it was something we had shared together. It was so totally real, you know?

And bless my mom. Bless you Lyndell Joy Robinson for your candor. Your kindess. Your understanding that your daughter really tried her best to pick out something awesome. Because she smiled, looked over my head at my dad, and gave me a hug. I think she said something like “I think this would go so well in your room” and we put it up above my bed. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I didn’t like them, and realized that she didn’t want it in her room, either. I remember being suddenly, painfully aware that moms don’t put posters up in their rooms and that she was probably just being nice when she said she liked them. I went along with our charade and left Fab and Rob above my bed for another 2 months before I hatched an elaborate scene in which I held our most docile cat up to the poster and used her little claws to make a scratch. This took quite a few tries. Then I told my mom that our wilder cat had RAVISHED the poster off of the wall and we threw it away. Why didn’t I just rip it myself and say the cat did it? I guess I was a bad liar even then.

Please enjoy this video. And please cringe all of the way through that terrible introductory speech/acting at the beginning, because I know I did: Girl You Know It’s True

However, when that kid tells the other kids in his study hall about this marvelous invention, all hell can break loose, especially if you’re more or less the only librarian answering those calls and you’re trying to help “real patrons”* at the same time. That happened this morning, and although at times hectic, it was actually kind of fun. After a few stern warnings, they took to trying to fool us into thinking they were someone else. Some prime examples are below (paraphrased of course, to protect the innocent).

I am the president of the library corporation and I am testing this service.

ZHHHHHHHHHDDDDDDDDDD.
WEEEJDJDJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ.
Are you talkign to steve?
Sorry. that wasn’t me. It was my baby. She fell off her chair.

I am _____ from 106.1 FM KISS you are on the air.
Arint you excited?
We are ON THE AIR.
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

* I use this phrase with some trepidation, since every patron with a question counts to me, but I’m using it to mean a kid who is trying to finish a project or looking for a book in their library – hard to balance when you’ve got 12 other kids logging on and off, rapid fire style

Sky and I didn’t get into the swing of things until late in the festival last year, so this year we tried to get a jump on it. Last Thursday we decided to see whichever film looked best that night. The winner was I’m Gonna Explode, which was conveniently playing just a few minutes from our house.

Maru and Román, two teens in I'm Gonna Explode

We totally lucked out in the festival draw. The movie was fantastic: a great, modern teen love story set in Mexico. The characters were rich, the soundtrack was great, and I really enjoyed the pacing and camerawork. My favorite thing about the film was the depiction of the teens – they were saavy, hip, and weird. I feel that so many portrayals of non-Americans don’t show any individuality, they are so based on cultural stereotype. So that was refreshing.

I also enjoyed the depiction of a sexually awakening girl – she wanted to do it, but was freaked out about doing it, and didn’t want the guy to expect her to do it, even though they both kind of knew he did. It was all very layered and enjoyable to watch. Thumbs up!